It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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