i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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