I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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