Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
