I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
