shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
