Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
operation have a gay friend backfired
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
