Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
