Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
