I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
