So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
