Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
