Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
