She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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