i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Oh god it's open bar.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
