I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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