I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I love you.
Bad choice
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