Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
COCAINE IS GR8
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
