Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
