Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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