i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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