you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
vagina is talking i cant
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
