Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
