Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
