Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
