He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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