When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
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I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
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I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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