Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
