Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
