So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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