I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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