Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
