who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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