I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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