It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
