hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I FOUND THE LEGS
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
