Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
