What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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