the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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