why do cheetos always look like penises
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
