Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
