I think I won the penis lottery.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
