He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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