Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
