Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
