just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
