It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
