i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
