I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
