she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
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My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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