Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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