I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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