I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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