My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
