So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
