I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
