fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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