Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
