She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
